Posts Tagged With: april fools

A new book!

This week I churned out a new 350000 word book! I can’t believe it, but here is my latest novel:

Talk and Cry

By Kate POlicani

Activia is a vibrant 42-year-old romance writer from upper Poop Creek Oregon. On her dream vacation to Bali she just wants to relax in the sun and write bestselling novels. Her peace is cruelly shattered when an archery club hijacks her exotic lunch cruise and invades her tranquility.

The darkly handsome captain of the team, Arto Jala, has Activia intrigued despite his moody cruelty and violent obsession with shellfish. His gritty sexuality is at odds with her pampered lifestyle, but he, too, finds her to be irresistible. Can she resist his smoldering advances?

In secluded Abalone cove by an artesian spring, as the coconuts sway in the breeze, he woos her. Drawn into his thrilling world, she soon is to discover his painful, haunting secret. Activia decides to use her vast knowledge of forensic psychology to uncover the mystery of his long, lost,  missing baby sister and punish those who kidnapped her from their beach side chalet. If Activia brings back Arum, will it calm Arto’s angry soul and allow him to abandon his barnacled past and grisly lifestyle of archery and truly love her forever? Can an Indonesian archer and an Oregonian novelist find true love together in a tropical paradise? Or can they only talk and cry?

Categories: Dookie | Tags: , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Tips for Writers: Getting good sleep

Sleep is vital for the writing process, but sometimes you just can’t manage to drift off!

Here are some tips by Dr. Phil LaKrahpf

  1. Clear your nasal passages. Stuffy airways can hinder the body from coming to rest. Blow thoroughly and pick out all those boogers to keep that oxygen flowing. If necessary, rub some Vicks Vapo-rub into your nostrils just a little. In a pinch, mint extract will do.
  2. Clip your toenails. There are hidden pressure points in the toes that can lead to restlessness and they are activated by long, nasty toenails. Clip them to relieve the pressure.
  3. Tell someone off. It’s amazing how much easier sleep can be when you’ve gotten all those pent-up feelings off your chest! Let someone have it and sleep like a baby. If you live alone, you can call someone or even go ballistic in an internet chat room.
  4. Suck on a pat of butter. Enzymes in real butter activate Phartotonin, an important sleep chemical that helps in the calming process. If the taste bothers you, try coating it in sugar or some dried Thyme. NOTE: Oleo will not work as a substitute.
  5. Fold paper cranes. It is an ancient Japanese insomnia cure! One famous Japanese Insomniac folded 1,000 paper cranes! The act of folding is similar to the feeling of counting sheep or listening to Public Radio.
  6. Put a drop of Palmolive under your tongue. Chemicals in the liquid are similar to those found in many sleep aids. Don’t use too much!
  7. Get a spanking. The smacking of the skin, especially on the buttocks or backs of the legs, stimulates calming hormones in the body. You can spank yourself, but having someone else do it is more effective.
  8. Laugh for 15 minutes or more. Life is funny and full of hogwash just like this phony medical advice! Laugh and then fall into a peaceful sleep knowing that despite your daytime stresses, you can still enjoy a good chortle.

April Fools!

Categories: Dookie | Tags: , , , , , , | 4 Comments

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